ugh. U G H

disgusting wobble. stretch marks. jiggle. FAT.


I am so disgusted with myslef that I gained as much as i did over my nine months of pregnancy. I mean really, who gains 70lbs. Why did I do that to myslef. After I worked my ASS off to lose 60lbs and finally be skinny, I only get a year too be? I miss my short skirts and tank tops!

Now Im back to size I was before I lost my wieght, and I am truley disgusted with my body. I can bearly look at it. And what makes it worse....you think I could stay motivated to say on weight watchers...but NO, I see food and I stuff it in my face. WHY? What is wrong with me? I know I want to be skinny and lose the weight, and I know the right way to do it....but I cant stay on it! I see cookies and sweets all day long, and all I want to do is stuff my face with it. Ands its not even that Im hungry, I just want to eat....stress takes a toll on me.

I dont want to lose the weight or be skinny for anyone else. I want to do it for me, so I can feel good about myslef. Im sick of being the fat mom. I want to look like I did before, I want to feel pretty, and I DONT! I want to shop in the regular stores and not have to worry about fitting into a size. Granted I would do everything all over for Austin, because he is worth it...I just wish I would have not stuffed my face for nine months.

No one has a problem with giving a pregnant women food. They will jump to go get it for you and get seconds. Because after all you are eating for two, and all those cravings! But as soon as you give birth, your expected to pop back into your same size jeans you were wearing before....and if you dont, all you here, is that "goodness, how much did you gain!" or "seventy pounds....what did you do? eat every hour!" Why dont people understand that your body just doesnt go back to the way it was before.

I am so sick of hating what I see in the mirror. But I cant figure out how to stay motivated.
I really did restart my weight watchers yesturday [1.27.08] and Im trying really hard to stay on track, all I want to do is fit into the jeans I was wearing the summer in MD, my smallest size....so here I go!